这篇雅思小作文值几分The two graphs reveal some information about visit

这篇雅思小作文值几分
The two graphs reveal some information about visiting abroad among UK residents between the year 1994 and 1998.
The first graph indicates the different reasons of visiting abroad among British residents .It is evident from the information that the total number of residents visiting abroad increased over 30% in this period from 22072 in 1994 to 28828 four years later and among which,the number of visiting abroad for holiday reason grew dramatically from 15246 in 1994 to 20700 in 1998-always being the most popular reason of residents visiting abroad in the five years listed.Next came business reason,increased steadily from 3155 in 1994 to 3957 in 1998.With a slight fluctuation between 1994 and 1996,the travel reason of visiting to friends and relatives and other reasons climbed to 3181 and 990 respectively in 1998.
The second graph compares the number of visiting abroad to different main distinations from 1994 to 1998.Obviously,rising from 19371 to 24519,Westen Europe was always the most welcomed travel region to British in this period.Indeed,North Africa and other areas appeared also favorable, viq席 1年前他留下的回答 已收到2个回答

坎巽 网友

该名网友总共回答了15个问题，此问答他的回答如下：采纳率：86.7%

6分到6.5.无严重语法错误,句型单调 increased over 30% ；grew dramatically from 15246 in 1994 to ；climbed to 3181 and 990 respectively in 1998,都是一个句型（用些a period witnessed a steady incease from xxxx to xxxx;there was a rise ...;等）句型多,不怕简单.
单词替换较少,文中出现多次visiting abroad ,residents visiting abroad .用些别的表达不更好~the number of residents visiting their friends who are living in other countries/continents.
整体不错的还是,开头简洁明了或者可以选择的稍微提下重点.还有就是在First graph中,别光把数据叙述出来,可以用比较去陈列数据.还有个不好的地方,你的第二段中的第二句有点太长了.不然连老外看的都费劲.

1年前他留下的回答

2

hawkufo 网友

该名网友总共回答了20个问题，此问答他的回答如下：采纳率：90%

5.5/5

1年前他留下的回答

0

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