高分求大家帮忙看看有没有语法错误！！！！在线等！！！谢谢大家！！！

高分求大家帮忙看看有没有语法错误！！！！在线等！！！谢谢大家！！！
这个是作文题目：
Some people think that robots are very important for human’s future development. Others, however, think that robots are a dangerous invention that could have negative effects on society.
Discuss both views and give your opinion.
这个是我写的作文：
There is a growing tendency these days that robots become an essential feature in many aspects of daily life. Tragically, some people advocate that more and more robots will become disadvantage as soon as a boon.From my point of view, we should develop a proper way to invent robot.
In the first place, there is no denying that robots can make our lives more convenient.Robots can be programmed to provide an endless numble of services, which help people in many areas of life such as modern banking, international communication.The most significant point is that you need not to pay any fee for the robots, besides,in comparison to people, robots have much higher working effeiciency.
However,while there are a lot of advantages on robots, its drawbacks should not be forgottern.With the development of information technology, many hi-tech products and robots are available for modern consumers, so they tend to think science and technology is what life is all about, so they tend to care less and less about the humanities, traditions and histories.In addition, increasing the availablity and quality of the robots would unforturnately lead the higher unemployment rate.In other words, the most worrying aspect is that one day robots can do anything as the human beings do, and there is a currently much debate about how to control the situation.
In conclusion, there is an urgent need for developing a sustainable way to cope with inventing robots.It is certainly believed that robots have positive uses, but we should not ignore its unpleasant side effects.In fact, many people have proposed that we should reduce the production of robots.It is my firm suppose that robots if deliberately used, will help to promote the process of society in the near future.
可以把改后的作文发到我邮箱：549847720@qq.com
非常感谢！！！！
lansejilang 1年前他留下的回答 已收到1个回答

appartion 网友

该名网友总共回答了28个问题，此问答他的回答如下：采纳率：92.9%

单纯的语法错误稍微有一些，例如 need not to ... 这个是很明显的错误。其他鉴于篇幅原因我不一一列举了。
但是你的主要问题在用词上。很多单词用的不是很恰当，也有些比较老套，比如 less and less，more and more。你想体现你的词汇量是好的，但是应该建立在用词得当的前提下。要是我来照你的思路和句式重写的话，大概有 30% 的词会换掉。要是你采纳我的意见的话，我会改一下发给你。
当然有一些句子写的比较好的，例如第二段和第三段中某些。
此外内容上可能缺乏一点展开，分析略微欠缺一点。
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很抱歉给你那么多批评，但是严格的标准是写好文章的动力。

1年前他留下的回答

5

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